The Karate Kid
The Karate Kid video game cuts right to the chase, starting out at the karate tournament at the end of the film. Sadly, it is a pretty shit-sucking version of the tournament. There will be no triumphant 80’s music, there will be no Mr. Miyagi, and there will be no Elisabeth Shue. Johnny will not be sweeping the leg. The tournament has 4 rounds. To win it I will have to call upon my vast arsenal of strategery and deploy my chest of tactical brilliance.
For this fight I will need to come in fast and furious with a kick to my opponent’s face.
My next opponent will have watched my first fight and will be expecting me to change up my strategy. The only move that makes sense is to walk into the ring and kick him right in his fucking face.
Kicking my first 2 opponents in the face worked, and I’ve never been one to change horses mid-stream.
Alright. This one’s for all the marbles. He’ll be expecting the kick to the face, so this time I’m going to switch it up and kick him right in the bread-basket.
The plot for the rest of this game is sketchy at best; basically once you complete the karate tournament you go directly to Okinawa and kick the living shit out of everyone you see. Occasionally Mr. Miyagi or an unidentified woman will hover in the sky. You have to subsist on flies caught with chopsticks. Eventually a typhoon blows in and you continue kicking the shit out of everyone in Okinawa anyway, even going so far as to kick the shit out of the trash that the heavy winds blow in, the startling effect of which is that you start to feel like you are kicking the shit out of the typhoon itself.
Then you fight Chozen. I don't even know who Chozen is, but he shouldn't of Chozen to fuck with me.
Mr. Miyagi winks at you!
Clearly he did not witness the epic failure that occurred when I attempted to dodge the swinging hammer.
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