Tennis
Apparently I’m pretty bad at Tennis. I tried to set the computer’s artificial intelligence at 1, which means that my opponent was akin to Keith Richards climbing a tree while sober. What followed was 10 minutes of humiliation while the computer shut me out and the referee hurled abuse at me. Worst of all, whenever I faulted, which was every time I interacted with the ball, the computer made a run at the net while waving their racket around.
And that’s about all I have to say about that, so luckily some enterprising hackers have put their “topspin” (ha-ha-tennis-pun!) on the game. First up is ‘Arctic Tennis’, wherein I travel to Juneau, AK to get clubbed like a baby seal and have a penguin insult me in his native tongue.
‘Punk Tennis’ is my personal favorite. Mohawks all around, and in the middle of your serve you flip the bird to no one in particular. Also, the referee calls you a ‘nad’.
Finally, we have ‘Lesbian Tennis’ and ‘Nigger Tennis’. I truly hope that the people responsible for these abominations have found their way into a group therapy session, perhaps led by the dude who hacks Wilford Brimley into every game.
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